I’m sure most people have heard the saying “the cobbler’s children had no shoes” or “the doctor’s children were always sick.”  When my father, who was an attorney, was diagnosed with cancer and I was at the hospital with him, the intake nurse asked if dad had a Living Will.  He answered no. They asked him if he had a medical directive.  Again, no.  She asked several other questions to which dad answered, no.  He had drawn up many of these documents for clients but not for himself or my mother. 

When I told my husband this, Mike, who is an attorney, stressed the importance of these documents and in addition, said he was drawing up these documents for his elderly parents, our kids, and his sisters.  Yes, they are that important, and I’ll explain why they are needed and how they will make your life as a caretaker or child, much easier. 

Obtain A Lawyer’s Help! 

But first, a cautionary note – make sure that you seek a referral to a locally licensed trusts and estate lawyer or Elder Lawyer (they specialize in dealing with these things for seniors). These documents are important and using forms from the internet without professional help can lead to big mistakes (call us if you need a referral to qualified legal counsel!). 

The Important Documents to Consider 

1. Last Will and Testament. A will says who inherits assets, and who is the executor (who handles the estate). Failure to have a will makes life chaotic because without a will state law determines how assets are distributed upon death (which may not be how one intends!). Some wills are very simple if there are few assets and others can be very complicated if multiple properties and assets are involved. 
2. Durable Financial Power of Attorney.  This allows someone you trust to handle your finances if you are incapacitated.  This person can pay bills, manage investments, handle insurance and has access to bank accounts. “Durable” means it is effective even if you become incapacitated.  Without this document family members may need court approval to manage finances, which means more delays…and headaches. Each state has different requirements for how you sign up valid powers of attorney, so again it is best to consult legal counsel. 
3. Durable Medical Power of Attorney. The person named in this document may make medical decisions for you if you become incapacitated and cannot communicate your wishes.  It is important to name someone who you trust, who stays calm under pressure, who understands your wishes and will advocate for your wishes.  The person chosen needs to understand that he/she may have to go against the wishes of other family members and their job is to be an advocate for the person who chose him. That can be tough. Again, consult legal counsel here for local requirements to signing an enforceable power of attorney. 
4.  Advance Directive/Living Will.  This document explains your wishes in serious health situations and is a direct instruction to healthcare providers of your end of life wishes.  It addresses life support, feeding tubes, ventilators, CPR and end of life care preferences. This document can help families avoid uncertainty and conflicts during emergencies. Again, getting legal advice on these directives is important as the requirements vary by state on how to ensure these are validly executed and enforceable.  
5. HIPAA Authorization. A HIPAA release allows doctors to share medical information with chosen people.  Without it, family members will have difficulty speaking with providers or getting medical updates. Most hospitals will have their own forms, but one can also have their own standalone authorization. 
6. Revocable Living Trust (if applicable). A trust can help avoid probate.  Probate is a legal process overseen by a state court during which the court oversees the settlement of the estate – ensuring assets distributed in accordance to the will and making sure debts are paid. Essentially, making sure that property goes to the right heirs. It can be a lengthy and costly process.  Many people try to avoid this by using trusts. Transferring assets to a revocable living trust can make management of assets easier, keep the assets away from creditors, and  can simplify inheritance for family members by avoiding the need to probate the assets in the trust. Not everyone needs a trust but if multiple properties are owned in multiple states or complex family situations exist, this may be something needed.  
7. Insurance (including Long-Term Care) and Financial Documents.   These documents may include Long-term care insurance policies, medicare/insurance information, bank and investment accounts (including 401ks and IRAs), titles to properties, and lists of passwords and accounts as well as contact details for bankers, lawyers, financial planners, accountants, etc. Having this complete and organized is invaluable – I speak from experience. 
8. Digital Asset Instructions.  This is becoming more important every day.  People have email accounts, phones, computers, online banking – if you don’t have email addresses, user names and passwords you will struggle mightily to gain access to all things digital.  Again, I speak from experience.  It took me two years to settle things for my father because he had so many passwords that I had no access to. Caution needs to be taken where you keep all this sensitive information, of course. 
9. Final Wishes Instructions.  This is not legally required, but it sure helps at the end if you know what your loved one wishes.  Do they wish to be buried or cremated? Do they want a funeral or a memorial service? Do they want an obituary? Is he/she an organ donor?  

How and When Do I Bring Up the Need for These Sensitive Documents 

Not every family has open communications on these “end-of-life” related documents. And, even assuming the best communications, it can be tricky to raise the topic. Obvious times are when your loved one achieves a milestone (retirement, reaching a “big” birthday) or if there is a health scare that occurs (either to your loved one or someone that they know). Try asking the following questions 

• “have you talked to anyone about preparing important “life documents” such as a Will, a Durable Power of Attorney, or a Living Will telling doctors how you wish to be treated?”  
• “did you know that state law determines who in your family gets your assets if you don’t have a Will?” 
• “did you know that in many cases hospitals may be obligated to keep you on life support and take heroic measures if you don’t have an advance directive?” 
• “does anyone in the family know your wishes for what you want done if the worst happens?” 

When we knew my dad had only weeks left, he and I sat down together and he chose the music he wanted at his memorial service. He wanted to be cremated. He told me what to do with his ashes. I prepaid the crematorium and made arrangements for transportation of his body (he died at home) so when the end came it was peaceful. I made two phone calls and then could concentrate on taking care of my mom. 

I’m writing this from Texas so all of my family’s documents were drawn up in Dallas,  but our family business, SLS of California, located in Los Angeles, has a team of specialists that can help you find elder attorneys and social workers that can help you obtain all of the discussed documents and can answer all of your questions.  If we don’t have the answers, we will get them.  We are here for you!